Jyotsna Yogi

I gave up

12:57:00 AM


it's all words
never were they actioned
never had been and never will be.
For once I mentioned about the rose,
that withered
that died
I tried watering it foolishly
with hopes of having another chance
just one more chance.
I gave up,
while the dry petals floated sarcastically in the vase
while the water reached the brim
while the weak thorns laughed at me
I gave up.
For every words were lies to you
every motives wrong
every actions wrong
every breaths wrong.
How far am I to wander to prove what this broken heart felt while it was whole
how many sins do I embrace to draw myself away
of every haunting memories
of beautiful memories
of you
and of you giving up.

Jyotsna Yogi

Scribbles 1

12:00:00 AM


Smiled with what left he had, still trying to not be rude,
Pain in his eyes
Fumbling for words
There as still as he stood.
Blinking away the pearls he tried, an effort to smile again,
His broken heart
The broken him
To heal and join was my main.
Denied and walked away, didn't let me mend his soul,
Little he knew
To fill his gaps
Were pieces of mine that I stole.

- J. Yogi

I gave up

5:16:00 AM

It's all words
never were they actioned
never had been and never will be.
For once I mentioned about the rose,
that withered
that died
I tried watering it foolishly
with hopes of having another chance
just one more chance.
I gave up,
while the dry petals floated sarcastically in the vase
while the water reached the brim
while the weak thorns laughed at me
I gave up.
For every words were lies to you
every motives wrong
every actions wrong
every breaths wrong.
How far am I to wander to prove what this broken heart felt while it was whole
how many sins do I embrace to draw myself away
of every haunting memories
of beautiful memories
of you
and of you giving up.


-J. Yogi

Rose

5:15:00 AM

You're like a Rose to me.
You wither.
One petal at a time
everyday
dying
losing all your presence
in my room of love.
I'll give you a rose when I see you,
to over show what I'm thinking of.
Cause you're the same rose
that once I held with evergreen smiles
Cause you're the same rose
that I now hold you with despise.
A rose for me is you 
and forever you'll be.
I'll keep you in between my pages of my favourite book
to remind myself of changes
of love and love turned hate.
You're like a Rose to me.
Dead.


- J.Yogi

Again!

11:48:00 AM

The few corners of the world
my travel diary’s seen it all
I thought I’d make a mark
everywhere
alone!
In no strength to be bound
by love
by strings
by hearts.
For I knew I’d be rigid at one point
was I not ready
to bid farewell
to the tickets I never bought
to the pictures I never shot
to the shores I never walked.
Selfishly with all my arrogance
did I unsee every man
did I ignore all the blue eyes
did I ignore all the tan skins
did I avoid dinner conversations with random locals
did I disagree to dancing
did I say no to ravishing my youth.
I tricked the time
and ran away to a distance as far
to disappear amidst the crowd
but when fate sets the date
I couldn’t trick myself.
I fell in love.
Breaking every grounds and vows
I fell in love.
Days, weeks, months, years, did it feel like just yesterday
that I fell in love
when he now says he loves me no more.
For the world it’d be nothing
but I know I'm hurting.
Days, weeks, months, years, did it feel like just yesterday
when he said he loved me no more.
For the same rigid spot
was what I feared
the feel of being alone and that nobody cares
was what I feared
the strength to adjust in the loneliness
the strength that took me years to build
to finally travel the world
alone
has all gone.
Again!

- J. Yogi

Old poem

1:34:00 AM



Like a little baby, did I fit on your laps, close to your chest, did I rest my head, close to your heart? Breathing deep, did I take in your presence, every breath, personal scent, did I smile while I nestled underneath your arms? I felt the softest kiss on my head, hearing your whispers of your love for me, did drug ever take me such high? The cold ground never touched, for you were my blanket, and your neck did I snuggle in? How long could one hold, how long did I nap, closed eyes but I could see, feels like just now, did eternity just pass by? But, I feel the warmth lessening, I feel you cradling me slowly to put me on the floor, knowing you'll instantly leave if I open my eyes, didi I pretend to be asleep, for the sake of your 'goodbye' kiss? Did I not hug you tighter? I see you fading away, a nightmare yes of course, I'm forcing myself to wakeup, or did I ever even fall asleep?

-J.Yogi

Too much love to be true

1:30:00 AM



Why judge me if my room’s messy
If my hair’s un-brushed
If my clothes are baggier than it should be?
I come off clean for you
cleaner than your list of exes
cleaner than your dirty thoughts
cleaner than you.
The pushed limits of self-esteem did break away my screams
you didn’t even know.
You’d smack my butt when I’d come hug you in front of your friends in public.
You’d squeeze my breast while I’d rest my head on your shoulder.
I try to cuddle and come closer
to feel safer
to feel happier and warmer
to feel like a princess.
But a whore is what you make the feelings feel.
I stripped my soul to you
but you wished to strip my clothes.
I cupped your face with my hands while you were low
but your hands went down my pants.
I tried to yank all your problems
but you yanked on to my hair,
wouldn’t even hear me scream.
I wanted to make love to you
but you wanted to have sex.
A hug from you is all I need when I’m scared
who do I go to when I’m scared
I’m scared of you.
The longing of hiding my face on your chest,
breathing your scent,
the want of not letting go
the want of you not letting go of me,
have become just wants.
You stare down at my neckline while I did my eye make-up for you
you ask me to lap dance my laptop while I wanted to see you before bed
you never saw my tears flow of pain while you wanted your adventure of pleasure.
I only wished to say “I love you too”
but never have I.

-J. Yogi


Scribbles 2

1:22:00 AM



I was a book written in a language only I would understand, but I wanted you to read me, now I've broken my bones and scraped my skin, to form into letters to be readable, by you. Read me and mark me as your favorite novel. -J

Dedicated

1:20:00 AM



One for world and world for one,
where had I been placed?
where had you been placed? by me.
Thought you were my own,
if only I'd known
you'd believe the caws of crows
you'd believe the pictures shown
you'd believe everything
that your ill heart spoke.
Do I blame you? 
A heart is to love and I loved people
 A heart is to break and I was broken
A heart is to make you feel that you're THE superman and that you can fly and touch the skies and love who loves you back,
while you counted me as a resident in the brothels.
How do I even begin when you've stated the end.
World for one was what you deserved, I thought,
Do you blame me?
Time is precious they say, I gave it while I could
and when I couldn't
unnoticed did go the spider webs in my wallet,
unnoticed did go the effort of my two tiny feet that travelled because one couldn't afford to ride the tyres
 unnoticed did go the late night wakes for your goodness.
  I am hurt.
You hurt me.
Not because there were no words of praise from you
Not because you were embarrassed of my free spirited life
Not because you were foul mouthed
Not because you hated me for 'everything'
but because you were the one
   the stupid one
to start the caws.

- J. Yogi

I love you

1:05:00 AM



The value of "I love you", did it really fall so cheap,
that he doesn't buy it.
Do I get tatted?
Do I write a letter?
with blood as ink,
with soul as paper,
with life as words.
Is it worth?
Articulated in clear words,
sparks in my eyes and cheeks blushed red,
cheesy three magical words,
carried no magic at all?


- J. Yogi